The Busy Ms. Oprah

By Rachelle Bowden in News on Oct 11, 2005 12:06PM

Here at the Chicagoist HQ we've been spending the last couple days wondering if there's anything Oprah can't do. Right now we wouldn't even bat an eye if she healed the sick by touching them, found a cure for cancer or raised our long-lost childhood pets from the dead (we miss Tom the Hampster & our bunny Hops!). Ok. So maybe those things are a bit of a stretch, but in between forgiving Hermes, helping hurricane victims and redesigning her book club, Ms. Winfrey has also given Rachael Ray a new show and has even helped capture a fugitive.

So.. catching a fugitive, how does that work? Oprah broadcast the photo of a wanted child molester and said she'd give out a cool $100,000 for his arrest and just 2 days later the guy was busted and in jail. Some lady in Minnesota recognized the guy as the upstairs neighbor of her friend in Fargo. He was one of the FBI's most wanted fugitives. Forget 1-800-CRIME-TV* and Crime Stoppers, let's just have Oprah featured a wanted criminal at the end of every episode and have the housewives of America call them in!

As for Rachael Ray**, Chicagoist is going to hurt some feelings by saying we don't really like her. We know.. her meals are quick and yummy and she find us great bargins wherever she travels.. but her VOICE! It's torture to listen to her. And this deal she's got in the works with Oprah - it's for a TALK show. Kill us now and save us the pain! Plus.. Rachael Ray.. she's like the worst tipper on this planet. But for some reason Oprah took a liking to her and is waving her magic wand, ala Dr. Phil, and giving Rachael her own show, which we're sure will be a hit.

* Are we the only ones who remember when the phone number used to be 1-800-CRIME-89? Are we just old?

** These photos of Rachael Ray in FHM are some of the most disturbing images on the Internet.