This Week in Stupid

By Matt Wood in News on Oct 24, 2005 2:25PM

We're just licking our chops at the kind of stupidity that will ensue if the Sox win two more games, but for now we have to settle for these:

• Using the "Elaine Benes Defense", a Lake Forest man was acquitted last week in the traffic death of a 15-year old boy three years ago. Charles Hausberg tried to make an illegal U-turn in Highland Park and drove into the path of an oncoming driver, causing him to swerve and hit the teen on the sidewalk. Morphine was found in Hausberg's blood and urine after the accident, but he says it was because he ate several poppy seed muffins the night before and that day before the accident. The defense claimed the poppy seeds, which can contain opiates, explained the presence of morphine in Hausberg's system. The jury judge bought it.


• A woman attending the funeral of a pizza delivery man who had been shot during a robbery was arrested for posing as a mourner and trying to steal $200 in cash from condolence envelopes from the funeral home.


• Two Hammond, IN police officers may be fired for having sex in the police station while on duty. They were caught because, duh, there are about 485 video cameras in police stations.


• Nine men have filed a federal lawsuit against the suburb of Stone Park, claiming they were illegally trapped in a prostitution sting. The men claim that while driving through the suburb, they turned down advances by undercover officers posing as hookers, but were arrested anyway. They say that the arrests were just a scam to extort fines and vehicle impoundment fees so they avoid the public embarassment of a solicitation conviction. We hate to tell you guys this, but anytime you see a woman wearing a pink feather boa and leopard print tights walking up to your car, you best keep the window rolled up.