Taking A Dive
By Julene McCoy in Miscellaneous on Nov 2, 2005 5:01PM
Chicagoist was sent the listing of the Top 10 Dive Bars in Chicago as voted by what we are assuming are extremely rich people who have no idea what a dive bar is. We love dive bars, in fact, if given the chance we would live in one even though it may cause us to lose our job – that’s how much we love dive bars. The toothless gentlemen, the neverending stories, the loss of hope that pervades the entire place… ahh, who’s up for drinks? But this list has us in a tizzy.
#1 Old Town Ale House – We have on good authority that this bar is quite frightening, but the only thing that Citysearch mentions is that Second City Alum have gotten drunk here. Okay then.
#2 Carol’s Pub – This is a dive bar from the “bare-bones décor” to only having three beers on tap and two types of music: country and western.
#3 Marie’s Riptide Lounge – Again, fabulous dive from the old jukebox to the bartender who will kick your ass on the football game mounted to the wall.
#4 Cubby Bear – Not so much a dive bar as a bad kegger left over from our high school years. In 30,000 square feet of space one would think it would be possible to avoid the vomit, but it can’t be done.
#5 Roc Bar – How many times do we have to say that a curtained off scarlet sofa and seating cubes do not make a dive bar? And there can be no calamari on the menu. None.
After the jump: Numbers 6 through 10.
#6 Rossi’s – All this blurb says is “downtown dive bar with an attached liquor store, food menu and jukebox”. It could be a dive. This one begs for further investigation.
#7 Burton Place – Again, just because Second City alum have gotten drunk in the place, it is not necessarily a dive. Do we think the John Hancock is a slum, just because Chris Farley died there?
#8 Justin’s – From the blurb explaining how divey it is: where young professionals (more female than at similar bars) mix it up and there are 15 beers on tap. ‘Nuf said – there can’t be young, mainly female professionals at a dive bar.
#9 Elm Street Liquors – This one has us absolutely flabbergasted and wanting to call shenanigans. This is not a dive bar in any shape or form unless it’s the Queer Eye guys’ idea of a dive bar. No bar whose specialty drinks are champagne-infused and served in flutes can be a dive. There are just rules about these things.
#10 Club Foot – This bar is what a dive bar can and should be. Their description says that there is a good selection of beer in bottles. That’s it. We have beer.
What bars are missing from this list? What really constitutes a dive bar? Let us know.