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Modernity 1, Amish 0

By Sam Bakken in News on Nov 10, 2005 8:46PM

At around 6:30 Tuesday night, an automobile ruined an Amish family's otherwise "simple" time. The family was riding in their horse-drawn carriage near Cuba, Illinois in Fulton County when a driver crashed his car into them and fled the scene. A Life Flight helicopter moved the father and one daughter to O-S-F Saint Francis Medical Center in Peoria. Other family members were transported to Graham Hospital. That must have been quite a relaxing surgery with the cutting of flesh by candlelight and absence of annoying, beeping machines and all—of course we hope everybody is all right. Police are searching for a red vehicle they say was involved in the crash.

We've always wondered when the damn Amish would get their due. HELLO-OH! Join the 19th century, at least. We know you don't exactly think of technology, or us technophiles, as evil, but we do know you think you rank a bit higher on the holiness scale. We don't get the whole philosophy anyway. If it's not hypocritical, it seems at least a bit suspect. Not that we really care (hey, more technology for the rest of us), but don't you drive your quaint little carriages down paved roads laid by technology you wouldn't allow in your cute communities? And aren't those "simpler" communities protected by mustachioed men that carry guns and button their shirt when they get dressed? And if you muthafuckas bring polio back for a U.S. tour, so help you God.

Holy tirade! Did you miss us? At least we won't have to worry about any complaints (you know, because a 12-volt battery won't power a computer that can access the Internet).

Image from this fact sheet provided by Ohio State University Extension.