Rubies Or Better Head? It's No Contest

By Chuck Sudo in Food on Nov 14, 2005 3:50PM

Chicagoist never passes up an opportunity to write a lame double entendre as a headline, but the coffee hasn't fully entered our system yet, so please forgive us. As a beer slinger and beer drinker we have to say that we're cautiously optimistic about this new gadget called the Turbo Tap.

Chicago-based Laminar Technologies, LLC developed the Turbo Tap with an eye towards increasing beer yield and cutting down pouring time. The key, as they say on their web site, was in "defeat(ing) gravity", a decidedly hit-or-miss proposition since the days of Daedalus and Icarus. But the Turbo Tap isn't flying into the sun. Here's the "Chicagoist's Notes" explanation for how it works: you have a wider pouring nozzle with an built-in diffuser that allows you to add more pressure to the keg. The beer comes out faster but in a controlled flow, as seen by this video clip of how it handles stouts. Our nipples are hard watching this, but it could also be because our home office is chilly. And that's too much information but that never stopped the Bridgeport Bureau.

So far the Turbo Tap has been outfitted in 30 bars and nightclubs and six sports arenas including the home of your World Series Champions and the Clark and Addison Memorial Pee Trough . The Turbo Tap is also available for home use in keg coolers and kegerators for all you homebrewers.

Totally unrelated to this is this story in the former Hollinger dog-trainer today about a cocktail served at Reserve called the "red ruby". The cocktail, made with Grey Goose, cognac, and R. Kelly's favorite- Hypnotiq, sells for $950. You're probably thinking that any cocktail made with Hypnotiq should not cost $950. But Chicagoist forgot to mention the one-carat "A-grade" (not our term) ruby dropped into the bottom of the drink that you get to keep.

Now that's ballin'.

Reserve bar manager Pete Gugni, a former jeweler and blacksmith, came up with the idea for the red ruby as a "splurge" item for customers on a honeymoon, celebrating an anniversary, or who otherwise feel a need to show off their tackiness by spending money in an ill-conceived manner. Gugni added with no irony whatsoever of his cliche-ridden cocktail, "diamonds are cliche."

Chicagoist couldn't get into Reserve even if we "dressed to impress", not that we would want to. But if we were to drink a red ruby we'd want to take it all the way and sip it out of a personalized pimp cup (our MC name would be "Huevos Locos").