This Week In Stupid

By Matt Wood in Miscellaneous on Dec 5, 2005 4:51PM

Forgery, felonies, and fauna abound this week. We're just wondering why we don't get a job at the Water Department, those guys are living it up:

• State Rep. Patricia Bailey was found guilty of multiple counts of felony forgery and perjury for using a fake address on her voter and candidate registration documents. A judge said she couldn't find any evidence that Bailey lived in the district she represents when she ran for office. Bailey said she planned to live at the address she gave, but never moved because, you know, who really checks that stuff?


• A man called the "Bandaged Bandit" was sentenced to nine years in jail for robbing 13 banks. He was captured after he went to the courthouse to check the status of another lawsuit.


• A man jumped 15 feet off the Skyway after being pulled over under suspicion of driving under the influence. The fall knocked his drunk ass unconscious, making it easy for police to cuff him for the DUI and slap him with a ticket for using a cell phone without an earpiece.


• A janitor at an Evanston elementary school was sentenced to five years for dealing crack on the school grounds.


• The Sun-Times revealed that a Chicago Water Department inspector was on the clock when he tried to warn drug dealers on the West Side about a police sting. But he was actually shouting out his window to undercover police, then crashed into an unmarked squad car. He landed his $76,000 a year job having already been convicted of bribery in 1986 after he tried to pay off police who caught him with cocaine, a scale, and beer in his car.


• A Michigan City library worker was suspended for spending too much time trying to rescue a squirrel that was trapped in the library's ceiling. She was also reprimanded last year for caring for an abandoned bird during work breaks in a library branch garage in LaPorte.