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Festivus Yes! Bagels No!

By Rachelle Bowden in Miscellaneous on Dec 23, 2005 2:23PM

FestivusThis season there's been a lot of argument over whether we should be saying "Merry Christmas," or "Happy Holidays," or "Season's Greetings," but the one thing most of the media has been doing is making sure to mention the 3 celebrations: Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. Chicagoist finds this offensive because they're all blatantly ignoring the best: Festivus!

Like last year, we ask you all to give to the Human Fund, even though you know we're just going to use your money to buy ourselves booze! And maybe some comfort food (no turkey, ham, goose, or duck!), since it is an important part of the Festivus ritual. Next we'll move on to our favorite part of Festivus:

The Airing of Grievances
Friends, family, City of Chicago: These are the ways you have disappointed us this year.

  • Macy's. OK. So you bought Marshall Field's. We can live with that. But whatchu gotta go and change the name for?
  • To whoever thought it would be a good idea to keep the Bean covered for most of the summer: Perhaps next time the Bean needs a good spit-and-polish, the city can find a way to keep one of Chicago's biggest tourist attractions open to, you know, tourists.
  • Hey, Cubbies, we know that both of our baseball teams can't win the World Series, but maybe next season you could at least try?
  • Daddy Blago, please curb your unceasing desire to protect people from themselves. Luckily, we have courts that are smarter than the governor.
  • We still have a grievance toward this website.
  • To the CTA, we're glad you didn't cut services like you threatened last year, but way to stick it to the people who pay with cash. And what upgrade do we get? Cell phone coverage? You are LAME, CTA.
  • Chicago bands--please stop breaking up. This year saw the demise of Troubled Hubble, Woolworthy, Scotland Yard Gospel Choir, and soon: Rockit Girl.
  • Chicago radio, do we really need an oldies station? And do we really need Jack?
  • 2005_12_festivus_pole.gif
  • Local Politicians - Ryan, Blago, Daley - we're talking to you: We're sick and tired of you guys being in the news for corruption instead of governing. Why can't you just play by the rules and do your jobs?

Next up, we'll dance around the Festivus Pole. Remember, no tinsel, it's distracting!

Finally, The Feats of Strength
Last year we challenged any of our siblings in the Gothamist family of sites. This year we're going to challenge any other Chicago blog. Go ahead! Try to pin us! Can't nobody hold us down!

Join us in celebrating Festivus by Airing your grievances or challenging someone to a Feat of Strength in the comments.

Images via Katherine Willis and crazygrrl