Assault With a Fleshy Weapon

By Jocelyn Geboy in News on Mar 17, 2006 6:28PM

John Bobbit*, move over. Jakub Fik has got your story whipped. He didn't get his penis cut off by a vengeful lover. He didn't get it severed in an accident. He didn't get it lobbed off in some freak incident. Nope. He cut his member off himself. The Sun-Times reports that on Wednesday, the distraught-over-his-girlfriend-in-Poland Fik had police called on him for smashing up car windows and breaking into a house -- apparently after he cut off his penis (in a fit of uncontrollable emotion?).

When the cops arrived, his hands were cut up, but so was something else-- his penis. As the police tried to approach him, he ran out naked and threw knives at them along with his severed penis. He ran back into the house for another round of knife throwing, but an officer had snuck up to the house and Taser-ed him into submission.

He was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital and is in good condition after having his penis re-attached. We haven't had any good "this week in stupid" recently, but we think this guy had more mental problems than being stupid.

*We worked very hard not to make any dick jokes.

Image via toybot studios.