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This Week in Stupid

By Matt Wood in News on Mar 20, 2006 4:27PM

We knew a week off would recharge our batteries for this feature, but who knew meeting our word count this week would be as easy as beating a Big Ten team in the NCAA tournament? And we're not even including the poor guy who cut off his own wang. Drumroll please...

On Monday, a woman from suburban Island Lake was charged with drunk driving and child endangerment after she arrived to pick up her son from school three sheets to the wind. She may also face animal cruelty charges because her pet Chihuahua was intoxicated too.

On Thursday, a Tinley Park man and his son were charged with theft after the father's pants dialed 911 while they were discussing their next heist. Michael Bolda Sr.'s cell phone accidentally dialed 911, and the operator listened as he and his son Michael Jr. talked about robbing area auto parts stores. Police couldn't trace the call until one of the men gave a callback number to someone else in the room. When police arrived at the home, they found stolen merchandise and the cell phone, with the 911 dispatcher still on the line.

chicagoist_2006_03_ferret.jpgOak Forest breathed a sigh of relief Friday when Molly and Maggie the ferrets were returned safely to their owner Claire Carroll's home after being "ferret-napped" (that's the word CBS 2 uses) and held for ransom by her ex-roommate. The roommate swiped the ferrets and left a ransom note in their cage demanding $200 in unpaid bills that Caroll owed him.

Also on Friday, a South Side man was charged with robbery after entering a Family Dollar Store and stuffing his pockets with bottles of aftershave.

And early Saturday morning, an intoxicated minor fell off the Madison Street overpass onto the Kennedy Expressway because he leaned over the railing too far while spitting on cars. Amazingly, he wasn't seriously injured.