More Pate for Everyone

By Scott Smith in News on Mar 29, 2006 8:19PM

Good news for burgeoning disciples of Ted Nugent: you can shoot all the damn geese you want this season.

Pending approval from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, hunters in Illinois will no longer have their fun spoiled by namby-pamby goose hunting quotas.

Over the last 20 years, Mississippi Valley population (MVP) geese have flocked (heh) to southern Illinois. Quotas were instituted to prevent the MVP population from decreasing too rapidly due to trigger-happy addicts of Dangerous Hunts 2. Recently, fewer MVP geese have been making the trek south due to warmer winters and increased gas prices at the pump. Or perhaps they put their little birdie heads together and thought “You know, maybe we should migrate someplace where we die less.” After all, if Goofy tried to pick off a few of your cousins every time you went to Disney World, then you’d probably stop going there too.

Instead of taking aim at domestic geese, hunters can now turn their sights (snicker) to foreign-born geese from Canada who have been invading this country in record numbers and stealing the grass, clover and pond weed from hungry American geese. As news articles here suggest, Canadian geese have overrun Illinois faster than any other species, with the exception of pro-life, anti-gay marriage gubernatorial candidates (known in scientific circles as fetus heterous positivus)

Chicagoist encourages anyone headed to Grant Park this summer to hit up your local Cabela’s so’s you don’t end up getting Cheney’ed during Movies in the Park.