Only Crazy People for President in 2008
By Alicia Dorr in News on Apr 7, 2006 6:13PM
We absolutely love it when crazy rich people run for president for no other reason than they are rich and crazy. If you're like us and you're sick and tired of regular rich people running for prez, then you'll be happy to hear we have a new crazy dude running for president right here in Chicago!
It's not really whether Gold Coast millionaire John H. Cox would be a great candidate that makes this a fun story, so we're going to breeze right past any pertinent information about him. It's the fact that he has already run for and lost three political offices—congress, U.S. senate and the Cook County Recorder of Deeds (you know, the office downtown that smells like vinegar). But this guy must have heart because he's going for the Republican bid in 2008.
And it will take heart, because politicians and analysts from both sides are chuckling, laughing and guffawing at the idea. Seriously, one GOP strategist even said, "it's either humorous or scary. I don't know which." Zing! One Democrat said Cox seemed to be going for "the loser's trifecta." Wow—all it takes is a rich man with no hope of winning anything (not this one) to run for an office, and politicos become regular wiseguys.
He points to Lincoln, Reagan and Carter as examples of other presidents who didn't seem to fit the bill for president before they won, and he gets his panties all in a bunch when people accuse him of becoming a perennial candidate. Right now he seems like your basic conservative candidate: pro-business, pro-life, anti-gay marriage, yada yada yada.
We have a feeling we're in for a few surprises from him, though—besides all the other politicians making fun of him like they did with Howard Dean that one time his face got as red as a baboon's butt and he yelled some of the state names in random order. For example, when he was in South Carolina and got confused about what a cliche is, saying, "I'd rather fight in Baghdad than in South Carolina. I know that sounds like a cliche, but it's true." Yeah, everyone's always saying that, Cox.
Anyway, we're just hoping for him to become the next Ross Perot, who we miss dearly, and talk to Kurt Loder on MTV as if he was an alien from outer space. God knows Kurt Loder will still be with MTV, that saucy old-timer.