Breaking News: Men Not Total Halfwits After All

By Erin in Miscellaneous on Apr 12, 2006 8:42PM

Could adult men actually be more complex than they get credit for? Is it possible that labels like "meathead," "metrosexual," and "yuppie," don't tell the whole story? Could lame marketing and advertising ploys masked as bonafide studies be any more annoying and debasing to not only the people they purport to reveal information on, but also to those releasing this asinine report in the first place?

Chicagoist is not sure how.

So many things come across our desks here at the Chicagoist offices: Concert tickets, CDs, books, marriage proposals, people still calling for the head of Bakken and irritating press releases such as the one we received yesterday from the fine folks at Miller Genuine Draft. This "study" – and we use that word loosely, as it's akin to saying potato chips and French Onion Dip eaten at 6:30 p.m. constitutes "dinner" – took 800 men between the ages of 21-34 and came to horrific and mind-numbing conclusions such as these gems:

* More than three times as many men ages 21-35 prefer a local eatery with quality, affordable food over a trendy eatery when they go out to eat with friends.

* Fifty percent of those ages 25-29 say they'll do dinner or drinks for a first date, as opposed to 38 percent of the younger 21-24 set.

And a favorite from the grossly negligent, totally generalized statements made by Miller:

"…as men move on from the days of drinking whatever beer is available and wearing baseball hats backward, they become more interested in elevating their game without sacrificing too many of their regular-guy comforts."

In the words of one Chicagoist writer who read the release, "I Oedipus'd myself. Tore my eyes right out." Another was overheard to say, in response to the nugget of wisdom that "men who prefer wine are more likely to have a greater affinity for footwear,": You get the connection, right guys? If you drink wine, you'll want to buy more shoes. And from there it's just a short hop from Niketown to Gaytown. So keep drinking beer and for God's sake, don't buy clothes that fit either."

Lastly, another Chicagoist writer says this study "must have been done at various sports bars around 1 a.m. when the MGD girls in their little tank tops searched out the most drunken douchebags they could find, because 99 percent of those guys will say just about anything."

We know the underlying reason for releases such as this one: To Sell Shit. That's it. But it's such an affront to our sensibilities, such an insult to our intelligence, and it's so slow in the Chicagoist offices today, that instead of just placing it in our delete folders we decided it might be more fun to present this nonsense to you, our readers, the very audience they hope to sway with such statistics. Are you really buying that straight men can be so easily pigeonholed? Are we all really giving corporate monkeys the impression that we'll buy into this junk? We're all not really finding it surprising that today's man would own a cookbook, much less use it to make a meal for a love interest, are we?

(One member of Chicagoist took particular umbrage to that nugget, as he swears by this cookbook. And though he's certainly one of the more progressive men we know and love, he says it's insulting to assume most men don't like to follow instructions just because they refuse to stop at a gas station and ask for them.)

The rest of the study is after the jump. Read at your own peril and tell us what you think. And then grab yourself a Budweiser. It isn't any kinder to the palate but it only offends the taste buds.

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NATIONAL POLL REVEALS THE EMERGENCE OF A "NEW MAN"
He Makes Discerning Choices, But Stays Grounded:
Owns Cookbooks, Prefers Beer, Chooses Local Flavor Over Trendy

LOS ANGELES (March 27, 2006 ) – Could adult men actually be more complex than they get credit for? Is it possible that labels like "meathead," "metrosexual," and "yuppie," don't tell the whole story? Evidently.

In a national survey of more than 800 men ages 21-34, Miller Genuine Draft and the KeltonResearch Group revealed that, as men move on from the days of drinking whatever beer is available and wearing baseball hats backward, they become more interested in elevating their game without sacrificing too many of their regular-guy comforts. They care more about preparing a good meal, meeting friends for a beer and owning a home than they do about amassing shoes, savoring fine wine or dining at expensive restaurants. This new man is discerning when it comes to some important everyday and lifestyle decisions, but isn't overtly concerned about fitting into cultural molds or trends.

Miller Genuine Draft commissioned the study as part of its overall brand re-positioning, which features all-new packaging and marketing that pays tribute to these "evolving" adults.

The Evolved Entertainer

How would this new man cope with the dreaded "pop-in?" Would guests be greeted by a roommate sleeping on the couch? Would refreshments feature a bag of corn nuts and warm soda? Would the state of the place bring to mind the need for a visit by the health inspector? Evidently not.

* 57 percent of men age 25-29 say that if a woman were to just pop in, they could whip up a full meal in a moment's notice with the items they have in the house.

* Nearly seven out of ten men (68 percent) own at least one cookbook, and 47 percent claim to have used a cookbook within the last month.

* 30 percent of those 21-24 live at their parents' home, as opposed to a mere 12 percent of those 25-29. Men in these age groups also pare down their numberof roommates – 28 percent of those 21-24 live with at least one roommate, versus only 16 percent of those 25-29.

* 55 percent of those in the 25-29 age set say they try to keep their living space as neat as possible as often as they can. However, they're not bringing in help to do the dirty work – 1 percent of those 21-24 hire a maid, and only 3 percent of those 25-29 spring for the same luxury.

Better Beer, Less Shoes

Becoming a Renaissance man doesn't mean saying no to suds. More men surveyed still prefer beer to wine and hard liquor. And curiously, men who prefer wine are more likely to have a greater affinity for footwear. (A connection, perhaps?)

* For 44 percent of men surveyed, a good beer is their drink of choice – more than twice as many who preferred hard liquor (21 percent) and more than three times as many who chose wine (14 percent).

* 32 percent of men age 25-29 want to find a woman they can enjoy a cold beer with, while only 15 percent want to find a woman who can get them into the best restaurants in town. For men ages 30-35, the difference is even greater, with 39 percent having a beer-loving dream girl, while 14 percent would choose the woman with the restaurant connections.

* Including all types of shoes (athletic, work, etc.), nearly half (43 percent) of men surveyed own five pairs of shoes or less. Almost one-third (31 percent) of men who preferred wine to beer or liquor own 10 or more pairs of shoes.

Growing Up and Going Out

Men still prefer local flavor when it comes to eating out, but dates do take on a slightly more mature tone as they enter the next stage of adulthood. Still, few consider themselves so evolved as to visit a museum or art gallery on an ideal first date. And when it comes to watching a game with friends, beer is still the gold standard.

* The more things change, the more they stay the same: More than three times as many men ages 21-35 prefer a local eatery with quality, affordable food over a trendy eatery when they go out to eat with friends.

* Men become more sophisticated with their dates (think dinner vs. mini-golf) as they get a little bit older. Fifty percent of those ages 25-29 say they'll do dinner or drinks for a first date, as opposed to 38 percent of the younger 21-24 set. But they're not going too far when it comes to mixing culture and romance – still only 3 percent of both age groups say they'll go to a place like a museum or art gallery for a first date.
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