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This Week in Stupid

By Joanna Miller in News on May 5, 2006 4:12PM

Chicagoist has seen its share of the stupid this week, but there’s always enough stupid to go around with a little bit left over. There’s not much left over, but we do what we can. There’s always next week.

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  • Two 14-year-old Indiana girls have been charged with animal cruelty thanks to a video they posted on MySpace that showed them shoving and kicking a cat named Stump. We'll admit, MySpace has gotten Chicagoist into trouble before, but we've only ended up hurting ourselves. And there were never any animals involved. The girls are not allowed to have any contact with animals or each other, and we're guessing they're not allowed near the computer for a while either.
  • On Tuesday, a Chicago man celebrating his release from jail took the party a little too far and ended up right back where he started. Riding a South Shore train to South Bend with his wife and three children, John A. McKenzie found himself out of beer halfway through the trip. But, as anyone who rides the South Shore knows, there’s always someone else with beer. So McKenzie waited for a fellow passenger to go to the bathroom and stole a cold one from his stash. The two men got into a fight when the other passenger realized he was one beer short. McKenzie was arrested at the next stop.
  • Remember Howard Morgan, the man who allegedly shot at a Chicago police officer and was hit not once, not twice, but 25 freakin’ times when the cops returned fire? Well, prosecutors are moving ahead with their case against him. Morgan denies firing the shot. We’re not sure what’s stupid about this story, but it sure is weird.
  • In an “outtakes” video obtained by the U.S. Military, Abu Musab Zarqawi – leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq, alleged mastermind of suicide bombings and all-around nice guy – is seen “wearing New Balance running shoes and struggling to get his machine gun to fire.” Which is totally stupid. Everyone knows all the cool evil masterminds wear Nikes.

South Shore trains at Millenium (Randolph Street) station via lazytom