Impersonating Hero Now Officially Makes You An Ass

By Jocelyn Geboy in News on May 15, 2006 4:12PM

You're feeling a little down. Your self-esteem isn't so great. No one's been answering any of your great ads on craigslist. So, what's the next natural conclusion to really reeling in the dates? Lying and telling them that you were in the military and received a purple heart for getting wounded in the line of duty. You are strong and courageous, not to mention you have high pain tolerance (which really can be a turn on to the freaks in the bed). That is so hot.

Well, now it is so illegal. Blago really stepped up to the plate in support of our troops by signing a bill that makes it illegal to lie about receiving certain medals of honor given by the military. Super. That sounds like it would be a good idea.....?

Chicagoist is confused by this for several reasons. Who is doing this and why? Does saying you received a purple heart on your resume get you a higher salary or get you the job, period? Who is checking on this -- are there fact checkers on people who claim to have received honors or medals while in the service? Lastly, if one gets caught for impersonating themselves as a recipient of a medal, the charge is false impersonation, which is a petty criminal offense with a fine of *up to* 200 dollars. Ooooh. That's really showing them. Some people pay that much to get laid, anyway.

We just wanted to let you all know, though. Kind of like when the news tells you all the new laws that come into effect on January 1st. So if you were planning on getting a little nookie by bragging about your non-existent medals received in the line of duty, you're a sick jerk. But now, you're also in line for a fine. Someone will be watching, we're sure.

Image via gruntsmilitary.com