Man Doesn't Get Caught With $2.5 Mil of Pot
By Alicia Dorr in News on May 17, 2006 7:54PM
With the echoes of a Nelson Muntz “Ha, Ha” ringing in the room, police found $2.5 million worth of pot in a guy’s 
house who they’re never going to be able to catch. Because he’s dead.
His death, which has been deemed of “natural causes,” doesn’t appear to have anything to do with the outrageous stash of what we have decided can only be the best weed ever. Until the autopsy comes back that’s not certain, but when a 50-year-old man dies in his home with that much marijuana, we have to believe he had a smile on his face.
There are, however, some people without smiles on their faces now, as the police are looking into his finances and lists of friends for possible connections to the more than 850 plants they found. We’re imagining that the cops are sitting back and lighting up on free hits from the “sophisticated” operation in the guy’s house. Oh, yeah, and also the back yard—thanks government! We don’t mind spending money for all those black helicopters anymore, because the War on Drugs money has obviously been well spent!
All totally false and ridiculous allegations about the police and government aside (ahhhhem), now we’re wondering about his living partners in doobage, who are probably starting to pour actual sweat. Everybody better start deleting that guy’s number from phones now. While you do that, we’ll wipe a tear of laughter and joy from our eyes for crazy old pot guy, who—as an obvious dealer—probably couldn’t have asked for a better way to go out.