This Week in Stupid

By Joanna Miller in News on May 19, 2006 6:28PM

This week, we bring you stories of several thefts, but only one leaves us thinking that the punishment may have been worth the crime, and the bragging rights that come along with it. Chicagoist’s motto has always been “go big or go home.” Well, actually, we’ve never said that in our lives, but if we were into stealing stuff, we think we might. Here’s to the dreamers – May you never cease to entertain us.

• In January, a man from downstate Jerseyville stole a truck full of Bud Light. Mmm, beer. Us? We would have waited around for the Guinness truck. He was planning on selling the booze in East St. Louis but is now facing three years in prison.
• Chicagoist knew it was only a matter of time before we brought you a This Week in Stupid story from our very own hometown, but we’re proud to say the offender is not a resident. In October, a Chicago man working at the Jewel-Osco in Highland, Ind., locked a mildly mentally handicapped female co-worker in the store’s restroom. Oh, and he sold a $3.49 bottle of brandy for $1, adding theft to his charges. Way to think big buddy. He’s been sentenced to two years in prison for the crimes.
• Five local college students have pleaded guilty to stealing 18 penguin statues from downtown Hinsdale. According to the Hinsdale police, it took 12 people and power tools to unbolt the penguins from the ground -- some of the statues are six feet tall and weigh 60 pounds. See what we mean about thinking big? And all they got were a couple hundred dollars in fines and restitutions. The penguins are resting comfortably at Brookfield Zoo.
• We feel a little bad about including this, but we just can’t stand goofy proposals, especially when they’re televised. A California student proposed to his girlfriend at the top of the Sears Tower this week. Not the most creative setting, but not terribly obnoxious, right? Except that he was dressed in a Superman costume, cape and all, and had invited the local media for the event. We wish them the best of luck, and judging by the mortified look on his new fiancé’s face, they may need it.