Six Flags Ride Terrifying, in a Terrifying Way

By Alicia Dorr in News on Jun 13, 2006 3:43PM

You know what is more fun than standing in the hot sun for three hours to ride a rollercoaster or water slide that takes a minute or less to get through? Pretty much everything. We realize that not everyone shares our hatred for theme parks like Six Flags Great America and the Dells, and that’s all well and good. But what if we told you their rides were also death traps?

Well, we’d be lying. Or at least exaggerating a lot. However, it is true that the newest water slide at Six Flags is horrifying. If you don’t believe us, just ask the little girl from Lockhart who now has 28 stitches in her head and a chip in her tooth from a ride.

The girl was riding the Tornado, which opened in 2005 and consists of a 130-foot funnel that starts 75 feet in the air (Whoopee!). The ride is supposed to simulate the experience of going through the eye of a tornado, then safely landing you into a catch pool below. That’s not what happened for the girl and her friend, though; the little girl was knocked unconscious at some point during the ride because instead of moving “gently” (“yeah, right”) side to side, the water took the children back to the top of the tunnel before they fell straight down through the whole thing.

What bothers us about the story is not that little kids were hurt—on the contrary, we think that most kids could use a little more roughhousing these days. What irks us is that the state isn’t going to penalize the park for not reporting the incident within 24 hours—get this: because it was determined that it wasn’t the ride’s fault.

Ok, what?? A.) Yes, it was. The kid didn’t cut her head wide open on Bugs Bunny’s tooth. And 2.) If it wasn’t the ride’s fault then it must have been the lifeguards at the top that let two little kids on to the effing ride. Don’t they have height requirements anymore?

Whatever. All the people who still argue that theme parks are fun can ride around on that hanging elevator thing, pay twelve dollars for spoons that say Six Flags, and pay an absurd amount to get in (where you'll rub against sweaty people all day) can continue to do so all they want.

Image via http://www.chmhotels.com/universalstudiosarea.html.