This Week in Stupid

By Joanna Miller in News on Jun 16, 2006 7:34PM

Is it just us, or has this been a really long week? No? Just us? Well our partners in stupid sure managed to get a lot done this week. And for that we thank them for a job well done. We’re all about efficiency. Whether you’re filling out a spreadsheet or committing a felony – work smart people!

• A 32-year-old Rolling Meadows woman managed to raise all sorts of hell Monday evening, and during the rush hour no less. Barbara Benestead was arguing with her live-in boyfriend and scratched him on the neck, at which point, he decided it was time for his son and a friend to leave the house. They obliged, but Benestead apparently had a problem with that, so she chased them in her car (they were on a bike – one bike). When the kids took off down a fire lane path, she jumped out of her moving car to chase them on foot. Her car crashed into a tree, and she has been charged with domestic battery, reckless driving and reckless conduct.
• It seems there will be no Springtime for Hitler and Wisconsin now that an 87-year-old man has decided to scrap his plans to open a Hitler memorial, partially because of zoning issues. Theo Junker says he was an SS soldier during World War II and had hoped to clear up misconceptions about Der Fuhrer. "Adolf Hitler is the greatest guy, so you don't know the other side.”
• An Indiana woman is in jail after allegedly "beating a 65-year-old woman senseless with a 50-ounce bottle of mouthwash." Elizabeth Scholebo was doing laundry for the victim when the incident occurred. No word on what brought on the rage, but she was in possession of a stolen car at the time.
• A school bus driver from Oak Lawn may have made some bad business decisions, but she definitely understood her target market. Margaret Fittante, 26, drove students from Orland Park to Hopewell School for adolescents with emotional problems. One student rode the bus to Hopewell to see her drug counselor and, conveniently enough, Fittante sold pot to her on a weekly basis. She faces only misdemeanor charges, however, since the dime bags she dealt were less than 2.5 grams.
• School District 200 in Wheaton is planning to move Hubble Middle School to nearby Warrenville and, more specifically, across the street from the BP Amoco Petro Chemical Research Center. The center is known for its groundbreaking research, and for its 19 workers who developed brain tumors. Talk about expanding minds.
• Finally, professional “Bigfoot” trackers have arrived in central Illinois in response to reports of Sasquatch activity. One man says he saw a mother and baby Bigfoot in the woods of McLean County. We just have one question: Why didn’t our high school career counselor ever tell us about that job?

Big Foot Crossing via kansasexplorer