Ebert Recovering, Making Calls to the Bullpen

By Scott Smith in Arts & Entertainment on Jul 20, 2006 1:44PM

We’ve gotten used to Roger Ebert’s medical problems by now so when he went in for his latest round of surgery, we figured he’d be back up and around in no time. Much like the T-1000*, nothing seems to keep him down for long, short of dipping him in molten steel.

But complications arose and while he’s reportedly doing well, he’s also had to postpone his return to his fictional aisle seat on “Ebert and Roeper at the Movies.” So the show is booking some celebrity guests until he’s ready.

So far, we’ve been unable to find details about who the fill-in hosts will be. Only that they are “prominent talent, executives and critics associated with the motion picture industry."

We’ve taken the liberty of jotting down a few suggestions:

Suggestion: Harry Knowles. The wild-haired geek of Ain’t It Cool News.com was an early audition as Siskel’s replacement way back when. Would be perfect for the Snakes On A Plane show.
If unavailable: Beyonce Knowles. Probably doesn’t know much about movies, but Lord she’s hot. And we’re pretty sure Roeper would try to put the smooove on so that’d be entertaining.

Suggestion: Earl Dittman of Wireless Magazine. He’ll be a guaranteed thumbs-up, no matter what the film. Would also prove to the world that he does exist.
If unavailable: Gene Shalit. Pretty much the same reasons above.

Suggestion: Whoever the exec was that gave the go-ahead for My Super Ex-Girlfriend. If only for Roeper to turn to him and ask him: “Why?” Would also make Roeper look even smarter by comparison.
If unavailable: A monkey. Because everyone loves monkeys.

* Seriously, who has time to work up a Wikipedia entry on this? Batman or Saturday Night Fever, we can understand. But come on.