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Much Ado About Airplanes

By Alicia Dorr in News on Aug 28, 2006 10:07PM

It seems we can't go a day anymore without hearing about increased airport security, grounded flights or flustered men who can't explain why they have a pump in their luggage. Welp, Chicagoist has never been one to shun jumping on a fun bandwagon, so on with the post!

A plane landed at O'Hare today amid reports of smoke in the cockpit. No one was hurt, except a passenger who sprained their ankle after going down the inflatable exit chute. We think that has more to do with the passengers' atrophied muscles and less to do with the chute (which we can only assume is a pretty fun way to exit a plane when you aren't hurt). Authorities are still on the hunt for clues, but we suggest they check the co-pilot's pockets for a smuggled pack of cigarettes. At the same time this plane was landing safely, another was being detained at O'Hare due to the suspicious behavior of a passenger. No one was arrested.

Aside from all this excitement today, the FBI announced that no one will be arrested in connection with any of the seven flights that were either diverted, evacuated or held at O'Hare on Friday. Ranging from a misunderstanding with an autisitic child to a college student who had some kind of bowling ball candle in his luggage, most of the flights continued on after suspects were released. The latter is either scary or amusing, with the student being released after he explained that he often handles (and carries?) dynamite with him because he is involved with mining. Scary, because it just seems strange that miners would need to carry explosives, and amusing, because we will now explain the anvil we like to carry with us is okay because we're involved in cartoons.

The FBI's announcement, however, was specifically in regards to a trans-Atlantic flight from England that officials reported was threatened that day. The threat, it seems, was "not credible." Sort of like when there's ten false fire alarms during exam week in a high school.

Is it just us, or is all this news on airport security - whether or not it is necessary - totally exhausting?