This Week in Stupid

By Joanna Miller in News on Sep 8, 2006 8:41PM

Sometimes we wonder how many stupid stories go unnoticed and are never shared with the world. It makes us sad to think that the greatest tales of stupidity may be out there somewhere just out of reach. Then again, there’s something about a stupid act that just begs to be discovered. That’s what makes it so stupid. And yet, we search on.

• Remember the woman who pummeled a dog breeder on the head with a dead Chihuahua puppy? She was found guilty of misdemeanor assault and trespassing on Wednesday in St. Louis. Breeder Linda Hulsey testified that Lisa Hopfer, 34, hit her at least 30 times with the corpse of a dog she’d sold to Hopfer back in June. X-rays and pictures of the dead dog were shown in the trial, and Hopfer now faces up to 18 months in jail and a $1,500 fine. She has a new Chihuahua puppy at home.
• Three Wisconsin men face charges of attempted misdemeanor theft and third-degree sexual assault for attempting to steal a corpse from a cemetery and have sex with it last Saturday. Officer Brent McDonald reported finding Alexander Caleb Grunke, 20, near the vehicle, sweating and looking nervous. Grunke said he and his brother, Nicholas Owen, and friend Dustin Blake Radke, both 20, had dug up a grave to remove the body but fled the scene when they saw a vehicle enter the cemetery. The trio stopped at Wal-Mart on the way to the cemetery to buy condoms to use while having sex with the corpse.
• A Michigan man is in hot water with a judge after skipping out on jury duty and then plagiarizing a paper the judge ordered him to write as punishment. Brandon Dickens, 20, didn’t return from a jury lunch break and was ordered to spend three days observing a civil trial and write a five page paper on the history of jury service. Dickens claims his report contained “quoted” material. But a court employee found a nearly identical article, “Trials and Tribulations,” on The Morning News, an online magazine. Livingston County Circuit Judge David Reader and thought otherwise and ordered him to spend an additional day in the courthouse rewriting the paper. He could have sentenced Dickens to as many as 30 days in jail.

Confederate Grave via philTizzani