Please Don't Cross Your Legs in the Waiting Room

By Matt Wood in News on Sep 21, 2006 2:03PM

Chicagoist has spent some time in the hospital, and we can assure you, even in the nicest ward, you'd still rather be at home. If, say, you tried to make an escape, we could sympathize. But of course, we would put our clothes on first before leaving.

Police arrested a man from the Calumet District after he ran away from an Oak Lawn hospital last night, totally naked with a gunshot wound to the leg. He had accidentally shot himself at home, and while he was at the hospital learned that he was going to be arrested for having a gun because he was a convicted felon. So he bolted. In his birthday suit. CBS 2 didn't report a transcript of the police's emergency broadcast during the chase, but we imagine it went something like this:

Officer - "Do you have a description of the suspect? Over."

Dispatch - "He's the one bleeding from his leg with his dong flopping around. Over."

Officer - "Copy that. Gross. Over."

Anarchy could soon become common in the emergency room (just like the TV show ER!), because Cook County might be disbanding its special hospital police force because of allegations of brutality. With any luck, Chicagoist will have many more stories like this to report.