Beer Bandits Plague Suburbs

By Hanna Aronovich in News on Sep 22, 2006 12:55PM

Police in the suburbs are being called to stop the most ruthless of criminals: teenagers who steal beer. The Tribune reported homeowners from Vernon Hills to Mokena have been victimized by “garage hopping” teenagers. “We call them the beer bandits,” Crystal Lake resident Tanya Benham told the paper.

Teenagers have been breaking into garages to raid the fridge of its beer. Apparently in Vernon Hills, there’s been a spike in the complaints, and police have made arrests. Why these residents aren’t locking their garages is a mystery to us.

If Chicagoist were a teenager in Vernon Hills, we’d probably need a drink, too, but we wouldn’t resort to theft. We’d just find someone’s older brother to get a case for us.

Chicago police told the Tribune teenagers in the city aren’t breaking and entering over alcohol. "I hate to say it, but there are a lot of ways for kids in the city to get illegal beer besides that," Chicago Police Officer Marcel Bright said. "You have a convenience store every couple blocks, and it's easier to get your friend with the fake ID to run in."

So, city teenagers are either smarter or just have more resources. Regardless, we think the kids should cut it out. Why can’t they just operate crystal meth labs like those nice kids in southern Illinois? Sure it requires a lot of cold medicine, but at least there’s no trespassing involved.