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Sending Your Kid Into Years of Therapy Is a Small Price to Pay

By Scott Smith in Arts & Entertainment on Sep 28, 2006 7:24PM

The various televised beauty pageants we’ve seen in the past often purport to be talent competitions or scholarship programs, regardless of whether they are of the USA, World or Universe variety. Anyone with two working brain cells to rub together knows that this is a total load. So we have to at least give credit to the Hottest Mom in America 2006_09_stiflersmom.jpgcompetition for brazen honesty.

"The Hottest Mom in America" is a new TV show that aims to find the … well, it’s pretty much all there in the title, isn’t it? Prospective MILFs, whoops, we mean Hot Moms, should be 18 to 60, a mother “either by birth, adoption or by permanent legal guardianship” and a woman. You also have to be able to prove it. So make sure not to leave your ID, children’s birth certificates or vagina at home if you don’t want to be disqualified.

Auditions will be held this Saturday at the Drake Hotel at 8 a.m. That’s a pretty savvy decision on the part of the casting directors. Anyone who can manage to look hot at 8 a.m. on a Saturday deserves a spot on the show. Or a medal. Auditions have already been held in Dallas and Miami and you can view the candidates here. Unfortunately, many of them seem to be suffering from sort of migraine or head injury.

The site says the casting directors are looking for women “with style, confidence, and sexuality beyond the carpool!" What kind of mom is throwing around sexuality in the carpool? Women do not (and should not) cease to be feminine, sexual beings just because they hit motherhood, but perhaps the sexuality could wait until there’s nobody in the car with a Batman lunchbox and matching Thermos.

But read that release form carefully! It states: “I…understand that my appearance, depiction and/or portrayal in the program may be disparaging, defamatory, embarrassing or of an otherwise unfavorable nature, which may expose me to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation.”

Then again, you’re probably already experiencing that if you’re throwing your sexuality around the carpool all willy nilly.