Later Alligator

By Matt Wood in Miscellaneous on Oct 6, 2006 7:21PM

A man was walking his dog in suburban Matteson this week when they were surprised by an alligator jumping out of the trees at them. It was likely a pet until its owners noticed their raw meat budget going through the roof and released it into the wilds of the south suburbs.

The gator has since been taken to Florida, which is fine by him. "You ever spend a night in the woods? It's fucking cold out there," he told reporters. "At least that idiot who bought me used to keep me under a heat lamp when I was little. Now I have to jump out and scare the shit out of people to keep warm." He said he's looking forward to spending the winter in Florida, sunning himself, playing shuffleboard, and "knocking back a few stray poodles" with his friends.