We're at a Complete Loss

By Jocelyn Geboy in Miscellaneous on Oct 6, 2006 5:05PM

Lately, there have been so many stories in the news that are so horrific or absurd, that we're beginning to wonder if there really is such a phenomenon as the "End Times," or if we're just living in an issue of The Onion.

This story qualifies as both and has left us completely reeling, baffled, nonplussed ... feel free to fill in a overwhelmingly clueless adjective of indiscriminate origin. Ruth Koening, an 86-year-old woman living in the Gold Coast, died, and an autopsy will be scheduled to determine cause and time of death. Her daughter called police after "finding her mother unresponsive as she tried to give her water."

Big effing deal. An old lady dies on the Gold Coast. But then the story nonchalantly continues, "A Near North District Police sergeant said Koening may have been dead since June" and ... (wait for it) the story's mini-headline is that Ruth's daughter lived. with. her.

WHAT? In name? On the lease, but not in practice? On psychedelic drugs? In a coma? How in the fuck do you live with your dead mother since June? Really??

She -- never gets up. She never goes to the bathroom. She never talks to you. She never moves. She never eats. She never, oh ... DOES ANYTHING!? On the other hand, she's sort of starting to smell sort of weird.

We can't figure this out. At all. Even if her daughter was on vacation for the last three months, how would you not know *immediately* upon walking in the house that your mother was dead? We've searched other media for this story, and can't find anything on it. We are eagerly (?) waiting for more information, if only to clear up some details about this.

Image via kevhead.com