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Wisecracking Student Takes One Way, Way Too Far

By Alicia Dorr in News on Dec 15, 2006 4:17PM

We've all seen the movie Fight Club and know the level of idolatry it encourages in people. But if the kid who shot his load into his high school cafeteria's ranch dressing was a case of life trying to imitate art, then perhaps no one should ever, ever, ever see the movie again.

Even if the student hasn't seen the movie, it's still a pretty shocking situation. Wheaton North school_lunch03-25-2003.jpg High School officials discovered late on Tuesday that the student "spiked" the container of salad dressing with his ejaculate. He confessed after he was bragging about it to some friends and one of them told a teacher. Apparently, police say that the substance may have been ingested during the last Wednesday's lunch period, as well as all five periods on Thursday. Police say he's up for an attempted aggravated battery arrest, and letters to students' homes are going out.

The reaction within the student body is pretty much what we think, ranging from "sickest thing I've ever heard in my life" to "pretty gross." Officials have said that no one was hurt from the incident and that the health risk from ingesting the stuff is low, but did they consider the mental ramifications? Either way, we're not sure if we're going to be able to look at ranch dressing the same way for a few days.

Image via hip lunch staff webpage for Viborg High School.