Biscuit Fortune

By Margaret Hicks in Food on Dec 20, 2006 5:06PM

In one of mankind’s greatest wars — the battle of the breakfast bulge — McDonald's is stepping it up a notch.

To keep competitive with Burger King and its frightening (and un-fun Xbox gaming) mascot, McDonald’s will start offering a $1 breakfast menu in limited markets. We figured this might be a yogurt parfait of only one color or a stick of trans-fat; but the new dollar menu includes a sausage biscuit with cheese but no egg, a chicken biscuit sandwich (blech!), or our favorite, “a sausage biscuit item” (isn’t that the same thing as a sausage biscuit with cheese and no egg?).

Bill Whitman, a McDonald's spokesperson, said that they’re “all about providing our customers with even greater value at breakfast, just like we do through the remainder of the day." OK, that’s fair. You’ve got to keep up with Wendy's and the King, we get that.

But listen up Mickey D’s, because we’re about to solve all your problems. Hire us, just for one day. We’ll come in — business attire, of course — sit down with the big guy and tell him this: The best way to keep your breakfast and restaurant competitive is to serve breakfast all day.

Then we’ll stand up, give a lady-like bow, and walk out of there like Sydney Bristow walked out of SD-6; with our heads held high, knowing we changed the world for the better.

And no worries, Mickey D’s, you can thank us later.