Mikey Won't Touch This Shit With a Ten-Foot Pole

By Jocelyn Geboy in Food on Jan 10, 2007 4:39PM

We were a pretty messed-up kid, as far as breakfast went. From 5th to 12th grade, we left the house with something along these lines: a Hostess product, something from Dolly Madison, or some sort of candy bar. We're not kidding. Just to indemnify our parents, our dad was already at work doing heavy construction, and our mom was sort of not quite awake yet.

Point being, we were never one of those kids whose parents shafted them on the sugar scene. Because of this, we never felt the need to have sugar-y cereals. In our house, it was strictly Raisin Bran, Cheerios and Rice Krispies. Of course, being the sugar junkies we were, it didn't stop us from throwing down a spoonful or two of regular sugar on the snap, crackle and pop. But we've never longed for the Lucky Charms, the Cap'n Crunch or the Count Chocula. Why go for that when you can just mainline a Snickers at 8 a.m.?

So when Chicago-based Quaker Oats told us that the "chocolate trend continues to evolve and it's now at breakfast!", we were thrilled. Until we heard that the way that Quaker is "advancing the chocolate movement" is with a cereal called "Life Chocolate Oat Crunch." We haven't had it, but that sounds like Fiber Candy Choco Nast.

And advancing the chocolate movement? That sounds like something that you'd get from Metamucil, not what we're looking for from a breakfast cereal. We'll take regular Life or a good bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, Golden Grahams or some Smart Start. But if we're doing chocolate, we'll just do it straight up with a good old-fashioned candy bar in the morning, thank you very much.

Favorite cereals? Breakfast treats? Ho Hos vs. Ding Dongs?

Image via NewsCom.