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A Classy New Vodka From A Man Lacking Class

By Chuck Sudo in Food on Jan 22, 2007 6:18PM

2007_01_trump_vodka.jpgWe find Donald Trump to be a tragic figure, what with the ceaseless self-promotion, the infantile manner in which he responds to criticism, his unsolicited advice to politicians, the way he adopts the facial gestures of his succubi consorts, all those skyscrapers rising to the heavens like modern-day Towers of Babel, and the general bad behavior that stems from his misogyny. What next for a man who lives by the motto that if you paint a turd with enough layers of gold leaf paint, it stops being a turd?

How about your own vodka? In a couple weeks, expect to see Trump Super Premium Vodka hitting shelves throughout the city. The vodka, which is intended to compete with Grey Goose, Belvedere, Armandale, and all those other frosted bottle vodka brands, has found a home at Union Beverage Company. Yup, that Union Beverage.

The vodka, a five-times-distilled Dutch vodka by renowned distiller Jacques de Lat, is made from select European wheat. After distilling, the vodka is stored in stainless steel tanks for six months, run through a carbon filtration process twice, then a 9-column filtration process, and finally carbon filtered two more times. The vodka is then bottled in a sleek, tapered design from Bruni Glass, with label and packaging by the legendary graphic designer Milton Glaser. The result is what we've come to expect from anything branded with the Trump name. For all the attention to detail in the packaging and design, this is a vodka that doesn't even make a good mixed drink. All of that filtration the vodka goes through has resulted in a spirit more akin to fuel treatment. The burn on the finish is intolerable - more "your mouth's on fire" than "you're fired" - with no discernable flavor from the wheat, and an oddly thin consistency for a spirit made from a heavy grain. The only thing worse than the hangover you'll wake up with the morning after drinking this is the certain rash of unfortunate last call hookups among those who insist on consuming this product.

Trump Super Premium Vodka will see placement on backbars as it rolls out, most likely in the Rush Street, River North and West Loop nightclubs and hotel bars that emphasize pop culture cachet and name recognition over actual quality of product. As far as the quality of the vodka itself, you're better off drinking whatever you find in the well of your local tavern. Trump Super Premium Vodka is much like everything else not related to architecture to which the Donald attaches his name. This is a highly gilded, polished turd of a vodka.