This Week in Stupid: Astronaut Edition
By Matt Wood in News on Feb 9, 2007 3:55PM
This isn't a local story, but nothing, and we mean nothing, can top the strange case of astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak. She was arrested Monday at Orlando International Airport after attacking Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, who she thought was trying to steal her would-be boyfriend and fellow astronaut, Cmdr. William Oefelein. Aren't astronauts supposed to be our best and brightest? This makes that episode of the Simpsons where Barney lays off the sauce and beats Homer for a spot on the shuttle that much more plausible.
Nowak drove from Texas to Florida with pepper spray, a compressed air pistol, a steel mallet, a knife, four feet of rubber hose, latex gloves and garbage bags, but she insists she didn't intend to kill her rival. She was also wearing a wig and a diaper so she wouldn't have to stop during the 900-mile trip. How crazy is that? Chicagoist would never wear a diaper for anything less than a 1,000-mile trip.
To local stupid news, our spa-bandit from last week's TWIS was caught in Lake Bluff on Saturday. Officers spotted Marshall Wolbers, suspected of skipping out on paying for spa treatments, driving on Thursday and chased him through several suburbs, then called off the chase because he was driving recklessly (his smooth, well-manicured hands must not have been able to grip the wheel). They finally caught him Saturday at the Lake Bluff train station, after he ran away and tried to get in a cab.
Joe Miller of Crestwood was also arrested last Saturday after leaving his wallet in a Hickory Hills home he had tried to burglarize. He and an accomplice (who is still at large), told residents they were doing plumbing work across the street and needed to check their water lines. Miller sat down and talked to the homeowners to distract them while his buddy ransacked the rest of the house. When the homeowner realized what was happening, he told them he was calling the police, so they fled. However, Miller left his wallet behind on the couch, and later turned himself in.
A Will County sheriff's deputy is in hot water after being caught parking in a handicapped space to have lunch at a Mexican restaurant in New Lenox. A resident saw the car parked in the space in front of El Burrito Loco restaurant, and noticed the deputy dining inside. The squad car was one of only two cars in the lot, not exactly an emergency, so the man went home, got his camera, and came back to take pictures. The deputy will be fined $250.