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This Week In Stupid: Animal Edition

By Matt Wood in Miscellaneous on Feb 16, 2007 3:22PM

chicagoist_200702_animals.jpgUnfortunately this isn't one of those fun stories where we anthropomorphize the animals and let them make a statement. Actually, it's more about people acting like animals: abandoning their young, fear-biting, forcible sodomy, and pouring boiling water on your enemies. OK, those last two are things that only humans do, which leaves us to wonder who the animals really are.

Last Saturday, a 25-year-old woman robbed a bank in the town of Lake in the Hills. Pretty standard stuff on the crime beat, we suppose, but the bank robbery wasn't the only poor decision she made that day. She left her boyfriend's four-year-old daughter in the car while she was in the bank, and she now faces charges for the robbery and child endangerment.

A Gary woman was sentenced to six months in prison Wednesday for scratching and biting two police officers who were towing her car back in July 2005. She had gotten into her car to try to prevent it from being towed, and when one officer tried to open the door she scratched him. Then, as other officers arrived, she started kicking and punching, biting one of them on the forearm.

Also on Wednesday, just in time for Valentine's Day, Indiana legislators unanimously passed a bill that would outlaw sex with animals. The bill was introduced after a Northwest Indiana man stole and killed a chicken while having sex with it. This wasn't already illegal?

And we know squirrels can be a pain in the ass for homeowners, but they don't deserve this fate: last year a 76-year-old Crystal Lake man trapped and killed a squirrel in his back yard by pouring boiling water on it. He was angry because squirrels had been chewing on a window in his garage. He was sentenced Wednesday to one year of court supervision and $500 in fines for animal cruelty.

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