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TiVo No!

By Margaret Hicks in Arts & Entertainment on Feb 20, 2007 4:11PM

Tivo2_20_07.jpgChicagoist loves television. Chicagoist loves all television. There are no prejudices here; we watch an episode of "The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" with the same reverence as we watch "24." We’re rooting for Rob and Ambah as much as we’re rooting for Chris Sligh. We’re looking forward to "America’s Next Top Model" as much as we’re looking forward to answers on "Lost."

Our world suddenly upended when we arrived home to find a catastrophe. The TiVo — much to Chicagoist’s dismay — is broken. Frozen. Ruined. We don’t want anyone to go through this alone like we have, weeping on the couch, tears streaming as we made the Sophie’s Choice of television: "Heroes" or "24?" So we thought we’d help you out with The Chicagoist Survivor’s Guide to a Dead TiVo.

First, go through the normal stages of grief:

Denial: Oh, it’s just frozen, let’s just unplug and restart, it works with the computer all the time.
Anger: We just got this stupid thing, how can it already not work?
Bargaining: We promise we’ll read more if we can just get the stupid thing started.
Depression: TiVo doesn’t work; might as well go get a cookie.
Acceptance: Two weeks, we can handle two weeks before getting another one. No big deal. We're not slaves to the television.

After passing through these stages of grief, the real work begins.

  • You will need to find a TV Guide; they’re free in the Sunday paper. Who knew?
  • Next, you must re-learn show times, it does matter.
  • Search the house for the VCR and VHS tapes you know are around somewhere.
  • Prioritize and compromise. What is more important this week? Can you watch the "Amazing Race All-Stars" and switch to "You’re The One That I Want" at commercials?
  • Quiet the phantom limb of the TiVo remote. This may require meditation as you learn to sit through commercials again. Be patient, it will pass.
  • Make chocolate chip cookies, it will give you something to do during the onslaught of ads.
  • Watch your timing; this is a skill that gets lost when not used. If you switch to another show during your priority show, make sure you don’t get caught up in the second show.

Most importantly, remain calm, hang in there, stay strong and remember … just be careful out there.