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It's a Doughnut!!!

By Alicia Dorr in Food on Feb 27, 2007 8:03PM

digestible.gifWe hope you took into account the egregious use of exclamation points we are willing to use when it comes to Krispy Kreme trying to remake their product to be healthier because, well, we can't help but point out that they are doughnuts.

Many sane people fell out of their chairs laughing when Krispy Kreme jumped on the low-carb wagon, which, inevitably, caused the company's earnings to take a dive. The newest incarnation of this totally preposterous reinventing-the-doughnut thing is the 100 percent whole-wheat doughnut unveiled in Chicago this week. The new incarnation of the delicious, sweet, lovable OG Krispy Kreme has 10 percent fewer calories and 3 fewer grams of carbs, nevertheless checking in at a lovehandle-inspiring 180 calories. So, basically, it's really not that much better, unless you are just a big wheat-doughnut-eater.

And therein lies our whole point — you're probably not. You're not, because when you are reaching for a doughnut, you are probably not even a little bit close to considering your healthy trailmi- eating plan that you told your significant other you were on. You are reaching for a doughnut because it's an effing doughnut. It's sugary, it's sinful, and it assaults your tastebuds with the sweet, sweet pleasure of momentary satisfaction.

You don't want to get hooked on low-fat doughnuts because that means you're going to think you can eat more. You don't want to eat whole-wheat doughnuts because amber waves of grain are not to be mixed in with the pure, fluffy happiness that you are aiming for when you eat a damn doughnut. That's why we implore you, Krispy Kreme, to lay off with the kooky hijinks. People aren't going to stop eating your doughnuts entirely, even if the government starts mandating soylent green. Just hire yourself a marketing dude who can come up with a hip way to remind people that doughnuts are doughnuts. They aren't for every meal, and they aren't good for you; they are an indulgence for Aunt Flow and guys whose girlfriends dump them. It's a piece of sweet, fried dough. Let it be.

Image via Rain Barrel.