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A Different Kind of Sex Education

By Shannon in Arts & Entertainment on Mar 3, 2007 7:43PM

Chicagoist's experience mixing socially-defined inappropriateness and school was, like many people's, limited. About the only instance we can think of where sex, violence and/or swearing was sanctioned by authority figures was when we got to watch "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" in European History. The saying of "shit" in the classroom was met with many giggles. And there was much rejoicing.

haven't we all been there?Some fourth- and fifth-graders out in Minooka, IL, have us beat by a long shot. They got a huge dose of sexed-up weirdness during a jump-rope fundraiser. Physical education teacher Kyle Hasler, in an effort to make an uptempo mix CD but avoid using "Lawrence Welk or Barney music" (out of touch much?), outsourced the task to an unidentified helper. What the kids got were some toe-tapping, heart-pumping melodies, including the unfortunate inclusion of "I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper)" by R&B singer T-Pain. Some lyrical examples:

I Need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm N Luv wit a stripper
I'm just lookin at u
Yea u know
U got them big ass hips god damn!
Forgive Chicagoist for getting misty; we've always been suckers for love at first sight.

A fifth-grade girl's sleazy sense tingled when she heard the song. She notified her father, who looked the full lyrics up on the Internet. (This prompted that awkward "Daddy, who's Teddy Pendergrass?" conversation for which no parent is prepared.) Hasler apologized profusely, explaining that he hadn't listened to the CD before playing it at the fundraiser. Principal Harold King backs Hasler up, noting his 17-year record with Minooka schools and the fact that lyrics are just really hard to understand in today's music, ya know? King added, "Lawrence Welk was never hard to understand when we were growing up."* Seriously, though, if they really needed an energetic playlist, the school could've just come to us. We're sure "A Daisy Chain 4 Satan" couldn't possibly be any more scarring.

* In truth, we have no idea whether or not King made any reference to Lawrence Welk, and his fandom therefore goes unsubstantiated.

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