This Headline Practically Writes Itself

By Shannon in Miscellaneous on Apr 9, 2007 9:35PM

We’ve got eggs on the brain at Chicagoist today. A few weeks ago, we told you about a wild goose chase sanctioned by park officials. Apparently the Canada goose population has gotten way out of hand, and the Chicago Park District enlisted some volunteers to help control that population. The public was invited to help out a team of goose control experts with finding nests and preventing the eggs therein from reaching maturity. Oddly enough, baseball bats and steel-toed Docs were not encouraged.

Two geese eugenics hootenannies, open to the public, were scheduled for April 7 and 14. That means this past Saturday, a gaggle of humans gathered in Grant Park, hunting for the telltale nests. Only problem? There were none to be found. In searching for the fowl, a crowd of 20 volunteers came up with one giant goose egg … and they couldn’t even drizzle corn oil over it.

Due to lack of eggs – or even birds, since volunteers found hardly any droppings – the two-hour operation was cut in half. Another Wild Goose Chase, the goose control firm hired by the Park District, put a positive spin on the missing birds by saying now they knew that Grant Park was used by geese only for grazing, not for nesting. In spite of the relative disappointment, we're trying to look on the bright side of the story. Imagine if there had been a great glut of gosling time bombs and greasy gobs of puke-green geese dung. We suppose there are worse ways to spend an unseasonably frigid weekend morning. …Wait, no. No, we can’t.

Image courtesy of pantagrapher.