The Chicagoist will be launching later but in the meantime please enjoy our archives.

Wakie, Wakie, Eggs 'n Bacey, Kids!

By Alicia Dorr in News on Apr 26, 2007 5:51PM

pepspray.jpgHey, we just had an idea — don't spray pepper spray in a school filled with young children! (Or, incidentally, at a party filled with drunk college students dressed in 80s fashion; we speak from personal experience.)

We wish we could have gotten the message to whatever anonymous person sprayed the burning substance at Stockton Elementary School yesterday. It could have staved off eight hospitalizations and a school evacuation, anyhow. A Chicago Public Schools spokesman said the spray was discharged by an unknown student, and those who were hospitalized were admitted as a precaution, as they were asthmatic.

To the unknown student we say, haven't the asthmatics suffered enough? They already can't drink milk, which some of them might even call "malk," and, of course, there's the fact that they can't breathe normal. Everybody's fine (the worst case is now in stable condition), but we still hope someone figures out who did it and reminds them that it's all fun and games until an entire school gets evacuated with itchy eyeballs.

Image via dr. ruthless.