21 Installments of 'Closet' Later...

By Alicia Dorr in News on Jun 5, 2007 6:03PM

Just in case you're picked for jury duty on this case, we want to remind you that it has been five years since R. Kelly was indicted for 21 counts of child pornography. We know by the time someone gets their shit together and pins him to a chair in a courtroom some people may have forgotten what it was all about in the first place, and even be inclined to think the whole thing was made up.

You've got to hand it to him; R. Kelly hasn't avoided the news since he peed on an underage girl (allegedly). He has "captured the hearts and minds" of Americans with each new installment of Trapped in a Closet, he "selflessly" dedicated a song to those in the Virginia Tech community and he even burst his "appendix."

While we know the last one was a cleverly executed attempt to stall his trial by taking a rare combination of Chinese herbs*, we can't help but be a little more exasperated each time we hear any other news about the man. Seriously — are we that fickle?

We're just saying that this charade has gone on long enough. If judges keep falling off ladders and Kelly keeps exploiting ancient Chinese medicine, we might never find out whether R. Kelly is the believing-he-can-fly, remixing-to-ignition guy he was, or if he's the sicko, disgusting-and-needs-to-be-in-jail-for-life dirt bag other dirt bags have watched in the abhorrent tape at the center of this whole debacle.

Each passing year means the victim seems less like the vulnerable teenager she was, and the remade image R. Kelly has been attempting to forge for himself since the indictment means he could look less like the offender who violated her. With the legal process taking so long as R. Kelly force-feeds people yet another record, it really feels like the victim has been forgotten altogether.

*Not true.

Image via waitingfordorothy.blogspot.com.