George Ryan Loses Bid To Stay Out of Jail, But Could Win Our "Illinois's Most Important Ryan" Contest
By Margaret Lyons in News on Oct 31, 2007 11:05PM
George Ryan is edging ever closer to the big house after the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals denied today yet another request from the Ryan camp. This go-round, Ryan was trying to stay out on bail until the Supreme Court could hear his case, but the 7th said no. That leaves Ryan with just one option left: Ask the Supreme Court to extend his bail. If they decline, Ryan will head to the clink November 7.
The Sun-Times points out that if Ryan does wind up behind bars—signs point to yes--he'll be the third Illinois governor to serve time. So he can't be the most scandalous governor, just in terms of newness, but he's got to be in the running for most important Ryan, right? At least Illinois's Most Important Ryan? Let's look at the competition:
Pros: Was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize multiple times
Cons: Well, he is on his way to prison....
Jack Ryan from sex scandals
Pros: Made our job incredibly easy in June 2004
Cons: Politicians with dirty secrets are a dime a dozen
Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles
Pros: "Yeah, you" can cause spontaneous orgasms;
Cons: Wears loafers.
The Dan Ryan
Pros: It's fun when highways have names!
Cons: It's only 11 miles long.
Ryan's Grill Buffet and Bakery
Pros: Sometimes you don't want to get all dressed up for Sizzler.
Cons: You probably should just stay home at that point.
Pros: He's one of the best, most beloved Cubs of all time
Cons: Technically not really a Ryan
Those are Illinois's contenders. But once we got on the Ryan train, it was hard to get off. Here are some important Hollywood Ryans:
Saving Private Ryan
Pros: Won five Oscars
Cons: Does anyone actually like this movie? Not appreciate it or respect it or whatever, but enjoy watching it? No.
Pros:Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally
Cons:Proof of Life and everything else.
Pros: Playing by Heart, which stars Philipe, Angelina Jolie, Jon Stewart and Gillian Anderson. Seriously.
Cons: Broke Reese Witherspoon's heart, Crash
Pros: Arguably the most famous of these Ryans, and Dick Clark is going to die someday.
Cons: BYO Seacrest joke.
Ryan from The Office
Pros: Has an MBA, dated Kelly, is now a bigwig
Cons: The Office still has terrible ratings
Jack Ryan from Tom Clancy Books
Pros: He becomes president (spoiler! sorry), books in airports don't read themselves
Cons: Ben Affleck
George Ryan photo by Jeff Roberson/AP