The Chicagoist will be launching later but in the meantime please enjoy our archives.

Pearls of Wisdom

By Tankboy in News on Nov 28, 2007 6:01PM

So we picked up this morning's Onion, we're sorry, we mean RedEye, and spit our coffee after reading Dustin J. Seibert's column. Who is Dustin J. Seibert you ask? Yeah, we didn't know either, but his theory about women has absolutely entranced us.


His theory?

Women who aren't much to look at (and aren't bitter because of it) tend to compensate with solid personalities. And some beautiful ladies don't really need personalities to get what they want in life.

Apparently Dustin J. Seibert was having a heart-to-heart with his man Milam, who said, "Attractiveness is entirely underrated." It was then that Dustin J. Seibert realized, "I've been hearing a lot of dissent from women who think my attraction to the fairer sex is too surface-level. His words confirmed that one doesn't espouse physical preferences; those feelings are just instinctual."

Erm, yeah. And then, after realizing that a dude likes a girl, he bonks her over the head and drags her back to his cave?

The sad thing is that, at the base, his argument is one we can see the average guy going along with. Judging by the focus of every car / snack / beer commercial we've stumbled across when we've stumbled past a TV with a football game on, it's fairly obvious the average guy buys into the idea that he can be a slob and still get the ladies. We're actually fairly surprised Dustin J. Seibert didn't throw in the fact that rich dudes get all the ladies too. It would have fit right into his column.

Our favorite is that, after 510 words going on and on about how looks are important in a lady, but not a man, Dustin J. Seibert closes with, "self-confidence is sexier than just about anything else" in an obvious attempt to defuse criticism like, well, ours.