Happy Birthday, Mayor Daley

By Prescott Carlson in Miscellaneous on Apr 24, 2009 7:45PM

Sixty-seven years ago today, Richard Michael Daley came kicking and screaming into the world, and immediately proceeded to secure a lucrative hospital cafeteria contract for the baby in the next room. The folks here at Chicagoist wanted to honor the mayor's birthday, i.e., the celebration of him being one year closer to death, i.e., the only way he'll leave office, and have put together a bundle of gifts that we'll be delivering to 121 N. LaSalle later this afternoon.

• Lauri is giving Hizzoner a painting of him and his dad, dressed as the Emperor Justinian. If he doesn't like that, she'll be happy to paint him dressed in women's undies, a la the Harold Washington painting that stirred up so much trouble. Or maybe a ride on her bicycle's handlebars, down one of Chicago's potholiest streets.
• Rob thinks the mayor deserves his own Picasso-like monumental sculpture, and proposes commissioning Claes Oldenburg to create a giant bronze raspberry to be erected outside of City Hall.
• Marcus will be sending over a big slush-fund flavored slushie!
• Melissa has gift wrapped a parking meter (you know, since he doesn't own any anymore).
• Karl is giving the mayor something we think he'll probably re-gift -- mandatory retirement.
• Chuck is taking hizzoner to dinner at Park Grill, where Chuck will stick him with the outstanding tab for real estate taxes, garbage collection and gas that the restaurant doesn't have to pay thanks to the deal Daley cut with them. He also wants to have "Talk Like Daley" day, where we get pissed off and stammer a lot.
• Alex is delivering a high speed rail line from downtown to O'Hare, just like Daley's always wanted since he went to Japan that one time. Or some other way to give up the long term revenue from Midway in exchange for short term money now that the privatization deal fell through.
• Tankboy is giving the generous gift of a one-way plane ticket to one of our sister cities.
• Kevin has something practical, like socks -- one semester in UIC's Undergraduate of Public Administration program, where Daley would learn the fundamentals of responsible urban management.

What would you like to give the mayor on his special day?