Top Ten Tips For Navigating Lollapalooza
By Tankboy in Arts & Entertainment on Aug 6, 2009 7:40PM
We've learned a few things about handling Lollapalooza the last few years, so let's help you get prepped for the next three days of music and mayhem.
- Hydrate. Seriously. Especially since this weekend will carry the yearly Lolla curse of frickin' hot weather. Only this year it's even creepier since this is the only hot weekend we've had all year!
- Keep your eye out for Perry Farrell. He and his ten clones are literally everywhere.
- When you see Perry, try not to freak out when you realize the dude is 50 and looks better than you do.
- DJ Momjeans is NOT Barack Obama. It's actually Hyde from That '70s Show, and he must have awesome taste in music because he's pals with Beck. Or is that Giovanni Ribisi?
- Dear dudes that believe shirts are for work, shirts are also for keeping your glistening (read sweat slicked to the Nth degree) upper torso safely ensconced away from our sight. See also: keeping our collective lunch down.
- Speaking of lunch. Don't forget to eat either. Look, even if nothing on the festival grounds appeals to you -- which is hard to believe given the breadth of choice -- you're in downtown Chicago so you can leave to grab a bite. Just remember, if you do, and you miss Perry Farrell in a helicopter, don't blame us. We told you there's plenty to eat at Lolla.
- Hula hoops are the new hackey sack. Just warning you before you get there and see it for yourself. It's disturbing.
- Take public transportation. That way you can catch quick naps whilst going from afterparty to afterparty, thus decreasing your need for actual sleep to about 16 minutes a night. Er, morning.
- Check the map when you get there and find out where the cooling stations are. Seriously. And along those lines, it is BAD NEWS to get drunk and pass out in the sun. O.K., nothing funny about that tip, but hey, we actually do care about your well being.
- This isn't so much a tip as it is a request: What are your tips for handling this coming weekend?
BONUS TIP: Bring personal hand sanitizer. You can then high-five (or if you're like me and refuse to high-five, you may low-five or shake hands) with impunity.