11 Movies We Didn't Like This Year
By Rob Christopher in Arts & Entertainment on Dec 22, 2009 7:20PM
What else is there to do this time of year except watch the pretty snow falling outside the windows of the Chicagoist office and dish up some bitchy put-downs? Truth be told there are few movies we sincerely regret seeing, since even terrible movies can be illuminating in their own ways. But here are 11 we watched this year that deserve a mud pie in the face.
- Antichrist (2009) From our review: "Perhaps von Trier is attempting to work through some personal issues when he depicts a woman taking a pair of scissors to her lady parts, but there doesn't seem to be much point in watching it."
- Away We Go (2009) We love, love, love Maya Rudolph, but despite her committed performance and a few other engaging elements, this movie was insufferable. As A.O. Scott writes, the young couple at the center of the movie is "acutely, at times painfully, aware of their special status as uniquely sensitive, caring, smart and cool beings on a planet full of cretins and failures." Blech.
- Candy (1968) This mess from the go-go 60's has more stars than a Golden Globes ceremony and yet is entirely devoid of laughs. Casino Royale looks like a classic by comparison. Watching Richard Burton as a drunken, sex-obsessed poet is just plain embarrassing.
- Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze (1975) We bought this disc as an excuse to try out the new Warner Bros. Archive but, ugh, this movie sucks. Crappy production values, a boring plotline, and borderline racism (in one scene, a Mexican secretary sits at her desk eating lunch: a crispy taco.) Stick to the first season of Wonder Woman.
- Fay Grim (2006) An entire film shot using titled camera angles? That gives Jeff Goldblum nothing terribly interesting to do? Filled with arch dialog? Yup. And, nope.
- Gigantic (2008) There's a brilliant scene where Ed Asner trips on shrooms, and John Goodman has one funny line. Other than that this movie is basically every indie film cliché in one shiny little package.
- Made in China (2009) From our review: "This movie is more irritating and artificial even than Away We Go, which seems like a piece of neorealism by comparison. It almost completely squanders the goodwill earned from the occasional laugh out loud gag, clever idea or evocative detail by choosing to focus on a protagonist who's such a lunkhead, he makes Forrest Gump look like Slavoj Žižek."
- Mandingo (1975) This well-crafted yet repellent piece of trash got a DVD release this year. It's disgusting. And also completely fascinating.
- Puffball (2007) From our review: "One has a right to expect more from [filmmaker Nicolas Roeg] than mediocre CGI effects (which include animated sperm plumes) and stale plotting."
- The Room (2003) This movie is terrible and we love every minute if it!
- Valentino: The Last Emperor (2008) Some folks loved this documentary about the fashion icon, which deeply puzzles us. It's utterly ordinary. Every hackneyed stereotype is on display, including haughty models, glamorous locales, and time-crunched designers pulling out all the stops to finish the collection in time for "the big show." Yawn.
Use the comments section to spew your own bile. Go ahead, it's healthy!