Break Out The Blacklights! Fun With Hotel Filth

By Karl Klockars in Miscellaneous on Jan 25, 2010 9:20PM

Scott Kleinberg with the Red Eye posted about the 10 dirtiest hotels in the nation as ranked by TripAdvisor this afternoon, with a call out requesting your filthiest Chicago hotel experiences. Thankfully, most of the Chicagoist afternoon tryst hotel stays have been on the up and up. But since we've also recently seen reporters busting out the Dave Savini Patented Blacklight story on morning TV, it seems that hotel filth is in the air. (Hopefully , not literally.)

We've taken part of our afternoon to poke through a few hotel review sites to find some of the most jarring Chicago-centric reviews featuring hookers, phantom stains, waste products, prison ink and other various ne'er-do-wells involved in overnight lodging in Chicago. After the jump - the lowlights, along with your horror stories.

All reviews are via Hotels.com, Travelzoo, and TripAdvisor. As all review sites are subject to objectivity and a terribly judgemental populace, take all of these in the spirit in which they're intended, and with a healthy sized grain of salt.

The Skylark Motel, Midway

"i would avoid this hotel at almost all costs. from the "no prostitution" sign in the front lobby window, to the bullet proof glass, to the hairs on the "clean" towels to the powdered soap in packets this place was scary."

"This hotel was terrible. It reminded me of the movie "Vacancy". There were holes in the walls that were poorly covered up. The first channel we turned to on the TV was a homemade porno."

"There were stains on the only chair in the room. We found hair on our sheets. The closet door frame was broken, not to mention paint splatter on bed head board, bathroon floor and other areas of the furniture like it was slopped on, which gave the room a horrible over all look. Last but not least, thank goodness kids were not with us because there was inappropriate tv at our disposal in which we did not order."

Super 8 Motel, Mannheim Rd., Franklin Park:

"You certaintly do not feel safe, and leaving your car parked below only leaves an unsettling feeling. After a little stroll out the back to see someone getting arrested I decided I would probably not come back, at least not ever bring my family. The shuttle service to and from the airport was okay."

"Used condoms in the parking area. Human feces on the lawn. There was a stop work notice on the door to the breakfast area. State of hotel horrible."

"Dried Pizza on the walls, chicken bones in the stair wells, broken walls, people learing at my daughter in the lobby. I have traveled quite a bit, even in "third world" countries. This one gets my all time worst rating."

Chicago O'Hare Garden Hotel:

"There is no fitness room, sauna, or restaurant. No fridge, no coffee maker, the list goes on. It isn't clean. The wallpaper is peeling and the walls are cracking. There is graffiti on the walls of the halls and the doors. I stepped on broken glass in my room. The guy behind the desk is proudly displaying his prison tattoos."

"The bathroom was better than the first one but still had mold and was kinda dirty looking plus the sink faucet would never shut off. There were white liquid stains on the headboard and carpet. What made us decide that we needed to leave was finding cat feces behind the lounge chair in the room. How in the world do you get "cat poop" in a hotel room?!"

Chateau Hotel, Lakeview:

"The Chateau Hotel? Omigod! We were asked if we wanted the room by the HOUR or were we staying all night? There were noises coming from the room next door that appeared to be a wounded chimpanzee. That went on for hours and the desk (The dirty man in a t-shirt behind bulletproof glass) never answered his phone."

Milshire Hotel, Milwaukee Avenue:

"I looked at the plastic sheets and they were plastic wrap with duct tape. The sheets were also full of awsome yellow stains. Luckily we were given a refund and did not have to stay, otherwise I would probably not have been able to written this because I would have been kidnapped and sold into a lifetime of male erotic sexual slavery."

"Fat shirtless white trash guy maintenance man with a knife on his belt, no towel or soap in bathroom, brown bloodstained shower. The guy who showed us our room asked if we were having a 'party.'"