What We Thought Was In Rahm's Basement

By Chuck Sudo in News on Dec 17, 2010 7:40PM

So the mystery of what is in Rahm Emanuel's crawlspace was solved easily.

NBC Chicago posted photos showing what the Emanuels packed up. Among the bric-a-brac and other curios they put up for safe storage was a New York Times vending box containing a copy of the edition reporting President Obama's inauguration. Now in our days of misspent youth, we've frozen the locks to vending boxes, jimmied them so that we didn't have to pay for a paper and even left some surprises behind for the next fellow. But we never thought to keep a newspaper vending box in our basement. Whether Emanuel obtained it by hook or crook, that's still straight up gangster.

Respect.

Anyway, we were thinking of other things that might have been in the crawlspace and came up with a few things of our own:

• The President's birth certificate
• Al Capone's loot
• Resurrection Mary
• Boxes of old leotards
• A gimp
• A woman who gets the hose if she doesn't rub the lotion into her skin.
• A clown costume from John Wayne Gacy.
• A lifetime supply of fishwrap.
• A copy of "The Super Bowl Shuffle" and Super Bowl XX on VHS