It's New To Us: Burger Inherent Awesomeness Quotient

By Anthony Todd in Food on Jan 19, 2011 5:40PM

We admit it - sometimes we miss fabulous internet phenomena. On the other hand, you probably do too, and sometimes a story is just too amazing to pass up, even if it is (gulp) three years old. Minnesota Monthly writer Dara Grumdahl created the Burger Inherent Awesomeness Quotient in 2008, but an equation of such import is still relevant today. Heck, we think it should've won some sort of prize for mathematical genius. The problem Grumdahl faced, during a roundup of the best burgers in the entire state, was keeping a solid set of criterion which didn't let the most expensive burgers with the fanciest ingredients trump the diners. The result was this miraculous equation.

Let us translate all of the variables - each of these categories can have up to 10 points. First, the meat (M) which has three components, Flavor (F), Texture (T) and Char (Ch). Flavor is so important that it is multiplied by 3. Square the whole thing and divide by 100 for your basic meat score.

Then, Co or CfE stand for condiments or condiment free, an attempt to balance out the fact that some burgers are better with or without, and we should avoid bias. So, award a burger 1 to 10 points in each category, combine them and divide by 2.

Lastly, all of the other factors that make a burger great. A is ambiance, U is ultra-Minnesotanness (though we plan to turn it into Ultra-Chicagoness) and B/F is the bun and fries. These each get up to 5 points. The best possible score is a 50.

So, for instance, if we were to rate a burger we had at DMK last month, we would give it a 9 for flavor, an 8 for texture and a 6 for char. That would give us a meat score of 16.8 of a possible 25. Then, we would give it a 10 with condiments and a 5 without, for an additional 7.5 points. Lastly, we give an ambiance score of 2 (it was really loud in there) a 5 for Ultra-Chicagoness and a 5 for bun and fries. That leaves a total score of 36.3. Whoa, we are nerdy.

If we rate the last burger we ate at McDonalds (on the road in December), we would give it a 9 for flavor (artificial flavoring is wonderful), a 5 for texture and a 4 for char. We would give it a 7 with condiments and a 4 without, and an ambiance score of 1 (we had some good music playing in the car) a 0 for Chicagoness and a 4 for bun and fries (all about the fries). This would be a total score of 23.5.

Start rating burgers!