Charlie Sheen’s “Violent Torpedo of Truth” sinks the Chicago Theater April 3rd
By Jon Graef in Arts & Entertainment on Mar 11, 2011 4:00PM
Good news, celebrity rubberneckers! Your top source for Grade A, primo high-quality tiger blood, Charlie Sheen, is coming to town--in a vaguely professional context no less!
By clicking this Ticketmaster link, you’ll see an events page called “Charlie Sheen LIVE: My Violent Torpedo of Truth.”
No, “Violent Torpedo of Truth” isn’t Sheen’s thoroughly misguided nickname for his dick. Rather, Sheen’s violentia in veritate is apparently the start of a rumored live tour, though considering there are only two shows listed so far, perhaps Sheen is merely testing the waters.
Whatever the case may be, the lone horse of the Sheenpocalypse will reportedly roll in on April 3rd at the Chicago Theater. Tickets go on sale at noon on March 12th.
If this is indeed the start of a live tour--as of last night, it's not listed on the Chicago Theater web site, which makes us hope this whole thing is a terrible, celebrity news site-induced hallucination)--what can potential patrons expect?
My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option Show is coming for you. I'm going on the road. LIVE. Will there be surprises? Will there be guests? Will there be mayhem? Will you ask questions? Will you laugh? Will you scream? Will you know the truth? WILL THERE BE MORE?!?! This IS where you will hear the REAL story from the Warlock. Bring it I dare you to keep up with me.”
This is why we can’t have the Internet nice things. But who are we to judge? Some of Sheen’s antics have been …well, certainly present in public discourse. Perhaps a one man Sheen-show in one of Chicago’s most pristine, positively beautiful, theaters will be illuminating.
After all, how bad can Sheen's violent torpedoes really be?.
You know what? Best not to pursue that thought.