Bring The Gay To Super Bowl XLVI
By Tony Peregrin in Arts & Entertainment on Feb 3, 2012 7:00PM
Even before one of Madonna’s backup dancers was overheard (accidentally-on-purpose) saying the Queen of Pop would be “bringing gay to the Super Bowl,” we knew that Super Bowl XLVI would be as gay as it gets with 106 muscled guys—in tight-fitting uniforms—piling up on top of each other. (Cue jokes on: tight ends, end runs, wide receivers, team huddles, and fourth down with inches to go.)
While we are aware that pointing out the achingly obvious—that contact sports are homoerotic—has become as charmingly quaint as a daguerreotype on Flickr, we couldn’t resist pointing out why this particular Super Bowl is so perfectly, wonderfully gay.
Tom Brady versus Eli Manning: Brady dates a supermodel, and is himself, pretty to look at, especially when he cuts those girly locks of his. He’s also a spokesman for Ugg footwear. (Okay, no self-respecting gay man would wear Uggs. Ugh.)
As for Manning, he is way hotter than his brother Peyton, even if the Real Housewives of South Boston call him a lesbian. Oh, and as Jim Buzinski, CEO of Outsports.com, observes in his annual “Super Bowl for the Clueless” essay, Eli also loves to go antiquing with his mom. (Awww.)
David Beckham and Superheroes: Beckham will debut his tatted-up, sinewy torso in his underwear adverts for H&M [insert hideous primal noises], although those unaired Doritos commercials from last year’s Super Bowl—particularly the one featuring a guy reaching for another’s nether regions in a sauna—would be more entertaining than seeing Beckham’s VPL.
A new trailer for "The Avengers" film will also debut during the big game featuring the swoon-inducing cast of Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, and Robert Downey, Jr. (Sadly, football fans looking for a sneak peek at “The Dark Knight Rises” or “The Amazing Spiderman” on Sunday are in for a disappointment.)
Madonna: Duh. Yes, we know she only has “eight minutes to set up the stage, 12 minutes to put on the greatest show on earth, and seven minutes to take it all down.” She’ll do it, and then some. (Haters: take your hater-ade and hater-tots, served up by a hate-ress, and get off our lawn.)
Slate.com actually weighed-in on Madonna “bringing the gay to the Super Bowl,” and according to their Kinsey scale breakdown of halftime programs, these “splashy, highly choreographed song-and-dance theatrical routines have often owed a debt to gay culture.” (So, Backup-Dancer-For-Madge: the gay has already been brought’n to the Big Game. Carry on.)
“The early shows may have featured old-fashioned university marching bands,” notes Tom Scocca for Salon.com, “but by Super Bowl V, Carol Channing was headlining. By Super Bowl XXVI, Brian Boitano was figure-skating onstage, with music by Gloria Estefan.” (Side note: Boitano has never officially come out of the closet, hmm-kay?)
Team players: Aside from all the hot guys patting each other’s rears, underwear ads, and Madonna, Super Bowl XLVI is actually pretty damn queer for other, more relevant reasons. As Buzinski notes in his essay, the Pats and the Giants are two gay-friendly teams. “They represent two of the states where gay marriage is legal,” notes Buzinski. “Giants co-owner Steve Tisch and former Giant Michael Strahan made videos promoting marriage equality during the debate in New York last year.”
Patriots owner Bob Kraft and his late wife Myra have also supported gay rights, according to Buzinski, and in 2003, the Patriots even sent a former player, Hall of Famer Andre Tippett, to toss the coin to open the Gay Bowl flag football tournament in Boston. Perhaps most notably, Patriots safety Bret Lockett, who is on injured reserve, has appeared in the NOH8 campaign and openly supports gay marriage.
What's more, on Super Bowl Sunday the Think Before You Speak campaign—which targets homophobic language among teens—will reach the tens of thousands of event attendees at Indy’s Lucas Stadium via a series of public service announcements featuring Wanda Sykes and the NBA’s Grant Hill.
So, yeah, the gay is definitely at the Super Bowl this year, and in many ways, it always has been. And with the continued support of both professional sports leagues and the fans, who knows, the ultimate Hail Mary—a current member of a professional football team coming out of the closet—could be completed in time for next year’s big game.