Maybe The Cubs Can Find A Bullpen On Craigslist

By Chuck Sudo in News on Apr 12, 2012 7:40PM

It takes a lot to stand out when your baseball team is 1-5. Yet the Cubs bullpen is the most glaring problem for a team that already wasn't expected to contend this year. Kerry Wood and Carlos Marmol have each been spotty in their appearances, and they're the best relief pitchers the team has. It makes one wonder if the Cubs could build a better bullpen from people pulled from the street.

Or Craigslist, which is what an ad on Craigslist recently proposed. The mock ad, placed by ChicagoSide's Jonathan Eig, read as follows (before it was removed):

"The Chicago National League Baseball Club (“Cubs”) is seeking relief pitchers to help fill several vacancies in its bullpen, effective immediately.

"No Major League Baseball experience is required for these positions, and there is no minimum age limit. However, qualified candidates must:

"- Throw a ball a distance of 60 ft., 6 in.
"- Throw strikes, preferably more often than balls.
"- Be proficient in Excel, PowerPoint and Word.
"- Spit and scratch.
"- Assist with groundskeeping during rain delays, and perform light housework for starting pitchers as needed.
"- Not answer to the surnames 'Marmol,' 'Wood' or 'Broglio.'

"This is a full-time, salaried position with benefits. In 2012, the Chicago Cubs were proudly named number 29 in Fortune magazine’s list of 'Best Major League Teams to Pitch For,' for the third consecutive year.

"Significant travel is required for this position. Perks include endorsements, groupies, dugout-level seats for all Cubs road and home games, pie-faced fans who don’t give a rat’s ass if you win or lose, and an excellent prescription drug plan.

"To apply, send us your best 'pitch' via YouTube video (email us the link) via .mov/.mv4/etc. Include name, age, experience, salary requirements, special skills, and show us what you can do on the mound.

'Qualified candidates will be contacted within two weeks of this posting for an interview and possible tryout with the Cubs General Manager Of Non-Sanctioned But Essential Scouting, Jonathan Eig, jon@Chicagosidesports.com.

"The Chicago Cubs is an equal opportunity employer and candidates for these positions will be considered regardless of gender, age, race or any previous history as fans of the Chicago American League Baseball Club (“White Sox”)"

It's a textbook case of gallows humor. But it does have us wondering if maybe Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer are looking at Craigslist as a waiver wire. If you can find a futon, a bicycle or a date on Craigslist, why not a relief pitcher?