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Happy Friday: Watch Obama Cry

By John Del Signore in News on Nov 9, 2012 2:15PM


The United States Commander-in-Chief broke down and cried while speaking to campaign workers yesterday, sending a clear message to America's enemies that our fading empire is now under the rule of an emotionally unstable wreck and ripe for conquest... at least that's what we can't wait to hear from Rush Limbaugh today. In reality, it was a tender, soulful moment from an inspirational leader—and further proof that, in the immortal words of Jeffrey Lebowski, "strong men also cry." Watch for the waterworks around the three minute mark:

The remarks were made at Chicago campaign headquarters in the Prudential Building the day after Obama's landslide electoral college victory. "Over the last four years, when people ask me about, 'How do you put up with this or that or the frustrations of Washington?' I just think about you," Obama told the hushed room of campaign workers. "And that's the source of my hope, that's the source of my strength and my inspiration. And I know that you guys won't disappoint me because I've already seen who you guys are. And you all are just remarkable people and you've lifted me up each and every step of the way."

From the way the video is edited, it's unclear how many of Obama's tears were harvested by scientists to genetically engineer a master race of invincible half-human, half-winged unicorn rainbow warriors for the Democratic party, but according to the Congressional Budget Office, just one Obama victory tear can yield ten thousand inspirational liberal-centrist leaders. (The real challenge is forging realistic birth certificates for each of them, amirite?)